Happy Holidays, Blurbers! On last week’s episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Mary Cosby threw a formal “Met Gala”-themed luncheon, but as Heather Gay hilariously pointed out, it’s not exactly clear if Mary understands what a Met Gala is and how every year the theme changes. She also seems to believe that beefeaters in rubber jackets belong at the Met Gala and that it’s the optimal place for everyone to share their SECRETS.
Back at Valter’s, Mary’s eyes are bulging out as she waits for Jen Shah to apologize for that “grandpa f***er” comment, but when it doesn’t come immediately, Mary unravels right before our eyes. Jen thought sharing her history with the group would help them understand why she acts out sometimes, and while Meredith Marks is receptive, Mary comes in hot with, “Nobody at the table would say the things you said, honey.”
Jen, clearly frazzled, tries to plead her case some more, but Mary cuts in and tells her not to be ‘ghetto,’ which enrages Jen. Heather jumps in to keep the peace, but the WRATH OF MARY has no bounds, and this lunch just got super ugly all of a sudden. Maybe I have bird brains, but I thought the whole point of Mary getting the women together was so they could iron things out.
Jen doesn’t understand why Mary had her share her backstory if Mary is just going to sit there and dismiss everything she says. In response, Mary literally dismisses Jen from the table, and Lisa Barlow has the exact same ‘WTF is happening’ face as I do at this moment. Whitney Rose thought the lunch was going so well at first, but now the tension is THICK, and everything is going south real fast.
Jen walks out of the restaurant, and Heather follows along. Heather wants everyone to forgive and move on, but Mary is out for BLOOD today and tells the group she is not over that grandfather f***er comment At. All. Lisa explains to us that she cringed so hard when she heard Jen say those words at the ’20s party, and she says it is 100% not true that the group thinks Mary screws her grandpa. UH HUH.
Outside, Jen is screaming and crying, and she tells Heather that Mary once confided she doesn’t visit a certain 7-11 because black people shop there. HOLD THE PHONE. We’ve gone from hospital smells to fucking grandparents to calling names, and now this fight is getting racially charged?? What is going on in Salt Lake City?!
Back in the restaurant, Mary is crying at the table, and Lisa insists that the pain Mary is feeling is because she and Jen haven’t resolved their issues yet. Meredith chimes in that there is no reason to speak to someone the way Jen did at the ’20s party, and at this moment, I’m kind of sensing that the ladies are splitting up into teams.
Heather drags Jen back into the restaurant, and she tries to work her kind girl magic by saying, “Let’s address everything calmly and respectfully,” to which Mary curtly responds, “Why are you telling me? I don’t want to address it. I don’t care.” Heather explains that while Jen was trying to tell her story, Mary came for her immediately, and Jen wasn’t given any time to apologize. Jen adds, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care.”
Mary’s wig looks like it’s about to erupt off her head, and she snarls, “I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to comment,” even though there’s a flashback to 10 minutes ago when Mary told everyone to talk one at a time. Heather tells Mary her approach with Jen was dismissive and hypocritical, and Mary unsheathes her claws. “I’m not hypocritical. You’re hypocritical AND two-faced.” When Heather asks Mary for an example of her being two-faced, Mary doesn’t have an answer, so she drags Valter — the restaurant owner — into this mess by saying Heather and Jen are making him upset!
The camera pans to Valter and his staff, and the guys do their best to remain stoic, but they are clearly waiting for this damn Met Gala party to end. Whitney tries to reason with Mary some more, but Mary is on a rampage. “Don’t tell me how I feel. You’re 30, so don’t.” Whitney tells the viewers, “I may be 30, but you’re all old as fuck and acting 10.” Age-shaming aside, that was a decent zinger!
As if this whole scene weren’t crazy enough, Mary then calls Jen a ‘hoodlum.’ Jen gets revenge on Mary by telling the group that Mary said she won’t go into a 7-11 when she sees black people in front of it. Mary doesn’t deny this story and just tells Jen to shut up. Apparently, Mary has a fear of hospital smells AND convenience stores. Jen gives up and leaves once again, and the lunch from hell is finally over.
We get a palate-cleanser over at Heather’s house, where she’s in the kitchen cooking bacon for her girls. When Heather got a divorce, she was worried about how it would affect her daughters, but she admits that her ex-husband has financially provided for them so their lives have changed as little as possible since the separation. Her daughter Ashley’s boyfriend Jaden comes over, and all Heather can think about is if they’re having sex. #Relatable.
Meredith and her eyebrows pick Seth up at the airport, and they head up to Park City. The estranged couple hasn’t seen each other for a few weeks, and the last time didn’t go so well when Seth demanded to look through Meredith’s phone. Seth instantly asks Meredith if she’s going to pack up the kids and move to Ohio, and her optimism about his visit vanishes. Meredith has no interest in moving to Ohio, and Seth is having trouble taking no for an answer.
Meredith tells us they moved around a lot throughout the marriage and uprooting her life every couple of years has taken its toll on her. Seth becomes hostile and says, “You seem aggravated. Do you care more about where you live than who you live with?” Meredith reiterates that she doesn’t want to start over in another city again, and she decides to shut the conversation down. It is absolutely gut-wrenching to watch Seth’s unrequited love toward Meredith play out, but I totally understand where Meredith is coming from. If she loves Utah, and Seth can’t let go of Ohio, it sounds like they’ve got themselves an unworkable situation.
Back at Mary’s house, Mary gets mad at Robert Sr. for not complimenting her silver jogging suit, and then she tells him to page the housekeeper to bring her a tray of food. At the same time, Jen is at her place FaceTiming with Sharrieff. We go back and forth between Mary and Jen’s recollections of the disastrous Met Gala lunch, and they both feel it was one of the worst experiences of their lives. Jen tells Sharrieff about Mary calling her a hoodlum, and Sharrieff gives her good advice about not internalizing the insult. Then Mary stutters out to Robert Sr. what Jen said about HER, and Grandpa’s feathers are officially ruffled.
I’m already sick of this fight, but I will just say this before moving on: Jen shouldn’t have yelled the comment about Mary’s marriage in front of everyone at Whitney’s party even if that IS what all of us are thinking. It was rude, and Mary had a right to be mad, but whatever sympathy I may have had for her LEFT THE BUILDING after the way she conducted herself at that luncheon.
Anyway, Whitney walks into a jujitsu studio with her brother Will, and we watch them spar together on the mat. Will has been practicing for years, but Whitney has some moves of her own, and I gotta say I’m fairly impressed! Whitney asks Will about their dad, Steve, and Will hasn’t heard from him since Thanksgiving. Steve recently went to rehab and was supposed to go to a sober living facility afterward, but he bailed to California and the siblings are concerned he’s going to relapse. Will understands the burden Whitney has been shouldering by helping their dad with his addiction issues, and she says that despite everything going on, they still have a good family. Awwww.
Next, we’re at a laser bowling alley (just curious, is laser bowling a thing outside of Utah?) where Lisa is celebrating her son Henry’s birthday party. She wants to spend as much time with her family as she can before the Sundance Film Festival gets underway. Lisa tells her husband John about Meredith and Seth’s separation, and then she tells us that she and John are going to be together FOREVER because that’s what Mormons do. Lisa admits that she and John aren’t completely perfect, though, and one time she even threw his Rolex out the car window. WHY WAS THIS NOT FILMED?!
Whitney and Steve head to a sober living facility, and the poor guy’s luggage gets soaked in the bed of his truck because it’s raining. Steve says that after he got out of rehab, life in the real world quickly became daunting, but he wants to keep working on himself, so good for him. Whitney is absolutely exhausted dealing with her dad’s issues, but she insists she sees a change in Steve and is holding onto hope. They get to the sober living center and hug each other goodbye, and I truly wish him the best. Addiction is awful.
Back at Meredith’s house, Seth is already packing up to go back to Ohio. They both have doubts that the marriage is going to survive, and Seth breaks down and cries, “I don’t want this. To be separated. After 25 years.” Sooooo GUT-WRENCHING, you guys. They embrace, and Meredith assures Seth that she loves him, and this is all really sad to watch, but I just have to point out Meredith bought that weird grizzly bear LED artwork I made fun of last episode!
Heather and Mary meet for dinner at Provisions, and Heather wants to address Mary’s “two-face” comment. When it’s time to order drinks, Mary asks for still water and informs the server that “carbonation hurts your ovaries.” That is the most medieval medical claim I’ve heard in YEARS, and we’re living in the era of anti-vaxxers! The ladies cheers and get right to business about the terrible luncheon. Mary thinks Jen is triggered by all of her fine possessions AND by her color. Heather had just recovered from Mary’s carbonation comment, but she is instantly confused again. She asks, “Wait, this is a black thing? What does the color of Mary’s skin have to do with Chanel purses?” Hahaha. I love Heather Gay. She’s always keeping it real.
Heather asks Mary if Robert is her actual grandfather, and Mary clarifies that they are not related by blood. She starts crying and says she didn’t even want to marry Robert Sr. back in the day, but she ultimately chose what the “man upstairs” wanted her to do, and it is what it is. Mary is still really hurt by Jen’s words, and Heather sympathizes, but she still secretly finds the marital situation weird. Heather says Mary and Jen have a lot in common, but there’s no getting through to Mary. “Jen is damaged. I’m done.”
Next week on RHOSLC, the ladies get rowdy on a party bus and take body shots! Plus, we finally get to see Lisa do her thing at the Sundance Film Festival. Brooks walks in his first fashion show and is sad his father isn’t there to behold his beauty. Jen and Mary have more words with each other, and oh dear… Katie Maloney and Lala Kent show up at Sundance. How wonderful. See you in the comments section, Blurbers!
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